Crappy day all around

I started my morning by finishing my state taxes. Turns out that I entered a wrong number in TurboTax, and instead of getting $4 back, I owe $91. I don't have $91 lying around. Both my checking accounts are below $5, and even though payday is Friday, I have to put aside at least $350 of my check for the oral surgeon I'm seeing on Monday (and another $100 for my car license plate).

So the morning started out badly. It only got worse when I decided to face the metal beast.

That's right: I finally got on the scale after avoiding it for a month. It wasn't pretty. I weighed in at 209.6.

Yep. I'm on the wrong side of One-derland again. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Wait. That's not true. I'm unhappy. I'm angry. And I know I have no one to blame but myself. (OK. I can also heap a little blame on the Boyfriend. I don't know if he thinks he's helping me exercise willpower by tempting me with foods I shouldn't have or what.)

But he's not around 24/7. I have to take 100 percent ownership of a lot of the bad choices I've been making. The raspberry-coconut Zingers from the gas station, cookies from the vending machine at work, Cheesecake Factory double chocolate cheesecake while I'm writing in the Barnes & Noble cafe and fast-food burgers and fries are all on me.

I've been avoiding my food journal. I've turned back into a couch potato. I haven't been planning my meals. I've been relying on the drive-thru instead of taking time to cook healthy, tasty meals for myself. I've been indulging in too many treats way too often.

All these bad habits have to stop. I know what to do — and even if I don't have the money to attend WW meetings right now, I have to buckle down and Just Do It. (Yep. So far the year of Just Do It has been a big bust. I'm turning that around. Now.)

Ask and you shall receive

Just last night, I was lamenting the fact that my week was activity-free and I vowed to earn at least a few Activity Points this week.

This morning, Tina over at Carrots N Cake served up her 2010 Yoga Challenge.

I love yoga whenever I bother to do it. In fact, every time I make it to a class, I think to myself, "What took you so long?" So of course I jumped right on Tina's challenge bandwagon.

Yep, that's me: Comment # 41. I said I wanted to make yoga a regular part of my life this month — at least three times a week.

To get me started, I borrowed a Web site from one of the comments above me, yogadownload.com. I was worried it'd be expensive, but all the 20-minute classes are free. I'm going to download one and get started just as soon as I finish this post.

Perhaps exercise will help me budge the scale faster.

Yes, this morning's encounter with the scale was a bit disappointing. I know I shouldn't complain, having dropped from 198 to 193.2. That's down 4.8 pounds!

However, last Friday the scale was at 190.8 ... so 193.2 is a disappointment, especially after an in-control weekend.

Oh well. I refuse to let it keep me down. I lost 4.8 pounds in my first OP week in I don't know how long. That's a fantastic result! :D

I plan to keep up the great work this week. This morning started with a glass of almond milk and Hungry Girl's Egg Mug Classic (2 Points) topped with a little salsa.

For lunch, I'm thinkin' enchiladas. I made them again Sunday, and this time I was able to eat them. They were delicious ... and I still have beans and sauce to use up, so I can make another batch. Think I'll enjoy a salad with them this time, though.

(Finally) ready to face the music

Well, I hopped on the scale this morning for the first time in at least a month. As I suspected, what I saw wasn't pretty.

At my last WW meeting on Jan 3o, I was 190.4. Today, on the home scale (because I still can't afford my meeting while my paycheck is being garnished), I was 198. That's a gain of 7.6 pounds in a little less than a month.

Bad, yes — but not as bad as I feared it might be. At least I'm still in One-derland. Barely, but it counts.

It's time for me to get serious again. I can't keep doing what I've been doing lately and expect different results.

Yes, I've been eating crap. I know my choices have been a problem ... I can't have a burger and fries from Wendy's for lunch and then have tacos and more fries (from Del Taco) for dinner. I can't have a brunch of pancakes from IHOP and then eat a slice of Godiva double chocolate cheesecake as an afternoon snack.

I could blame the Boyfriend. He certainly "helps" me eat things I shouldn't. He doesn't seem to understand that, when I put a certain amount of food on my plate, that's a portion and that's all I plan to eat.

But it's not all his fault. He's not with me when I buy junk out of the vending machine at work, or when I drink a diet Dr Pepper instead of the H2O I know I should be drinking. He's also usually nowhere in sight when I opt NOT to take a walk because the weather's crappy or I'd rather be writing or ... I can't think of the other excuses I've been coming up with lately.

I need to start moving more again. Lately, the only exercise I've been getting has been walking from the couch to the fridge. Not good, I know.

I've been in what Roni calls a funk. I've been feeling beaten down and stressed out by my finances ... and I've been feeling like "what's the point? Nothing I do matters anyway." I've been eating to compensate.

Logically, I can see this. I'm just having a tough time stopping myself.

Today so far, I've done pretty well. I had one of those new Thomas' Bagel Thins w/ light cream cheese for breakfast and lunch was a California roll from my favorite sushi place, Hiro's.

I even got some exercise, in the form of shoveling more of this damn snow we keep getting. The crap from our last storm was finally starting to melt, so of course we had to be "treated" to some more. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate snow?

Seeing that near-200 on the scale just might be the jolt I need to rein myself in and get my eating back under control. I certainly hope so.

You know it's never good

When I'm ignoring my blog, it's because I've been a bad, bad girl.

Despite writing that I was going to rein it in Saturday, I continued the free-for-all all weekend and into today. (Even though I woke up at 9:30, I skipped breakfast, so I was starving by the time I got to eat lunch ... and so I ate too much.)

I was afraid to face the music by getting on the scale this morning (and still can't afford my WW meeting, anyway. That doesn't excuse me from the home-scale check-in, however.

I started counting Points for dinner and after — I've eaten 10 so far. Don't want to think about the Points in lunch, though.

Surprise

... And this time, it was a good surprise — two, actually.

First, the news you've all been waiting for: Results of today's WI. (Drumroll, please.) Down 1.2 pounds.

I was surprised, because when I hopped on the home scale, I thought I was pretty much the same as last Monday. Apparently, I'd forgotten what the home scale said.

I'll take the loss and be glad, because my Thursday and Friday weren't all that great.

The other surprise: The baked potato I had when I got home from work last night was very filling. First, I nuked a potato. While it was cooking, I rummaged around in the freezer. (I was inspired by Tonyne over at The Unlikely Success Story, who recently wrote a post about cleaning out her freezer.) Found a partial bag of sad frozen veggies and decided they'd be just the thing to make my potato a "Filling Food."

I cut up a mushroom and a little onion and nuked it with the frozen veggies, then topped the potato with them. I also added 1 T bacon bits, 2 T RF cheddar and 2 T RF sour cream.

It hit the spot — and was only 5 Points.

Good news from the scale

Finally! After about a month straight of gains, I saw the scale move in the right direction this week.

That's right: Down 2.8 pounds.

Can I get a woo-hoo? Sure, I'm still higher than I'd like. But at least things are finally going the right way. It's about time, too.

Even after all this time, I find it amazing how just a little success sets me up to have a great, on-plan day. Having seen the scale go down this morning, I'm determined to make good choices all day. I had a healthy breakfast and a lunch that focused on WW "Filling Foods."

The only thing missing from the equation today? Exercise. I haven't done any of that. I'm using my lingering cold as an excuse ... but it's not a good one. I should get in at least 10 minutes' worth of exercise. It won't kill me, and it might even make me feel better.

A girl can dream, right?

I must be getting old

Today's doctor's visit was all that I expected it to be — and more.

The doctor's scale (which always sucks) put me around 197 ... but the WW scale had me at 193.4 just 2 hours later. (That's still up a pound from last week, but a one-pound gain is acceptable considering the crap I ate all weekend.)

The doctor wants me to start taking baby aspirin and calcium supplements every day. Jeez ... Like I don't already have enough trouble remembering to take a multivitamin! :D

I'm also supposed to get my blood pressure checked several times before I go back to see him in February, because it's borderline high. Ugh.

I did go ahead and ask for a note setting a new goal weight ... but I did not turn it in at my meeting. He wrote me a note saying 175 was OK. I'm hoping that mentally freeing myself from the 170 looming over my head will give me the kick in the butt I need to recommit to losing. It certainly can't hurt, right?

So far, so good. When I got home from work tonight, I hopped on the elliptical/bike (using it as an elliptical) that's hanging out in our kitchen at the moment. Did 15 minutes while my Candy Cane Lane tea was cooling enough to drink it.

Sure, it was only 15 minutes ... but that's 15 minutes more than I'd gotten done earlier today. I'll take it! Tomorrow's goal: At least 20 minutes of exercise (preferably more).

Not looking for much

My weigh-in is tomorrow, and I'm not counting on it being a good one. Again this week, I had more bad days than good. (Monday, Tuesday and Sunday were good; the rest weren't.)

Before WI, I head to the doctor's office for my annual exam. I'm toying with the idea of asking him if I should get a note from him to up my goal weight to 180 ... That's 10 pounds higher than it currently is, and 8 pounds above the upper end of my range.

He'll say "no," I'm sure. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to hit 170 ...

Well, there is: It's my laziness. I've been a bad Weight Watcher. I didn't count Points Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday ... and on Saturday, especially, I ate a lot of junk I didn't need (including Taco Bell for dinner). If I spent as much time on-plan as off-plan, I'd be at my goal by now.

The only reason I'm thinking about it is to save money, anyway. If I bump up my goal, I can get there that much faster, and then I'll be able to quit paying for WW meetings.

I want to hit 170, darn it ... and soon. It's going to take commitment and fewer excuses.

Up again

I'm not surprised. Some bad financial news sent me straight to the food last night. Being an emotional eater sucks. I wish I were like the Boyfriend, who eats less when he's stressed.

Not me. I eat more. After opening a letter from my job saying a bill collector is going to start garnishing my wages (on Christmas Eve, no less — merry freakin' Christmas), I ate two cookies, some fries and chocolate cupcakes from the vending machine at work.

On top of a not-s0-great few days at the Boyfriend's house, I was up 2.8 pounds at today's official WW weigh-in. :P

That puts me back in the 190s, for crying out loud. Not where I want to be.

How bad do I want it?

Unfortunately, I'd say the answer to that question — at least lately — is "not bad enough."

Yep. After spending another weekend with the Boyfriend, making some pretty awful choices, I've come to a realization: I haven't been working very hard to lose my last several pounds. And now, after a 4+ pound gain at the scale today, I have nearly 20 pounds to lose again. Bleah.

I know what to do. I know that sometimes I need to make the hard choices ... the not-so-fun choices ... Yet time and time again, I find myself choosing the fun, not-so-healthy things instead.

Why is that? I think I've just gotten lazy. I've been taking the easy way out (read: Drive Thru) instead of preparing myself a delicious, healthy meal. I've been giving in and eating whatever's on offer at work and at the Boyfriend's. At restaurants, I've been ordering what I want (and what looks good) instead of the healthier things I know I should get.

And I haven't been tracking the way I need to. I'll half-heartedly track part of the day, and then stop.

These are things that don't work for me — or for anyone. So why am I continually surprised that I'm stuck in the 180s? I haven't been putting in the work, yet I'm expecting good results. It doesn't work like that!

The Boyfriend and I actually had a talk yesterday ... he said he was going to stop encouraging me to eat crap. I'll believe that when I see it. Sometimes I wonder if he does it on purpose, if he doesn't want me to get to my goal weight. Then I figure that he just thinks exercise will do it all. He often tells me "Just exercise more and you can eat what you want." Again, it doesn't work like that! (At least not completely. But try telling him that.)

With that being said, today was a pretty good day. I had a fairly healthy breakfast of oatmeal with raisins, nuts and brown sugar, followed by a peppermint mocha latte (made with less syrup and skim milk). Lunch was a California roll from my favorite sushi place and my afternoon snacks were grape tomatoes, two clementines and a 100-calorie pack of roasted almonds. For dinner, since I only had 3 Points left, I ate a 0-Point salad, grilled zucchini and 2 oz. turkey on a Sandwich Thin.

When all was said and done, including a few of the cookies I made last week (one oatmeal lace after lunch and two of the double chocolate ones after dinner) and some sugar-free hot cocoa at work after dinner, I ate 26 Points. No exercise, though.

I read some advice in today's meeting materials (or maybe it was last week's ... we got both today since last Monday's meeting was canceled by weather). Someone said they commit to tracking for just one day, and that makes it seem less overwhelming.

I'm going to try that theory out, because when I make grand statements that I'm going to track every bite, every day from here on out, I feel like crap when I don't (usually on Day 1 or 2!).

So here's my pledge for tomorrow: I will track all day long and do some kind of activity, whether it's the exercise bike indoors or walking outside.

No weigh-in Monday

Because of the storm that blew through Flagstaff, the substitute WW leader couldn't make it for the Monday meetings ... so no WW meeting for me.

I did weigh in at home. 184. 2 — about a pound more than last Monday on the home scale. I'm not surprised. I had more bad days than good again.

Today, I'm celebrating a huge NSV: I finished my 90,000-word manuscript this morning (at about 5 a.m., after a marathon writing session, fueled by an early night at work and a loss of the satellite TV). You can read all about that at my other blog.

How shall I celebrate? Well, being snowed in, I'm baking a few batches of WW-friendly cookies. I picked up brown sugar and nuts Sunday night, knowing I wasn't going to be driving anywhere Monday or Tuesday with a full-on blizzard coming to town.

I may try to take a trudge through the snow, too ... but I wouldn't count on that. I will, however, keep a handle on my cookie consumption. I want to see the scale move in the right direction next week.

Battling "What the hell" weekend-itis

Yes, I've been struggling the last few days (since Thanksgiving late-night, actually). However, that did not keep me from seeing the scale go in the right direction at today's WI.

I was down 2.8 pounds, for a total of 56.6 since starting WW. And that puts me at 14.4 pounds left to go to hit my WW goal, meaning I'm almost as low as I was back in October.

It's about time! I've been bouncing in the 180s for much, much too long.

Anyway, back to my weekend problem. I stayed pretty much OP through the week, even with Thanksgiving. I didn't pig out at the big feast, and I only had ONE piece of pumpkin pie. But when Friday evening rolled around, I for some reason decided to chuck it ... I ate pretty badly all weekend long.

I need to figure out why that happens. This time, I can't blame it on the Boyfriend, because I was on my own (and at work and writing on my novel, which hit the NaNoWriMo halfway point of 25K ... unfortunately, it's supposed to be at the finish line of 50K by Nov. 30.)

So today, I'm getting back in the food journal habit, starting with the afternoon snacks. (Breakfast and lunch are already over, and not snapped.) And right now, it's off for a quick walk before I head in to work.

Counting it as a victory

I had my WI Monday, but went to the evening meeting in Cottonwood instead of my regular morning one in Flagstaff. Their scale said I weighed exactly the same as last Monday.

Since I weigh heavier in the afternoon, I'm going to take that as a sign that I actually was down a bit from last week. Even if not, I should count myself lucky after the not-great weekend I had. The food journal fell by the wayside, and I ate several things I shouldn't have — starting with a delicious (but not-so-nutritious) barbecue bacon burger at my writer's group meeting Saturday.

The scale should be down now. I've been battling a 36-hour bug, and spent last night throwing up and doing other unsavory things. Today, I've eaten very little: A junior burger from Sonic, a small cone from McDonald's and (the worst offender) a 6-Point bag of Doritos from the vending machine at work. Why is it that the bags you get in multi-packs are only 3 Points, but the vending machine bags are double that? Not fair!

So I've only eaten 16 Points for the day. Guess I should go home and make myself a healthy 7-Point snack. Perhaps part of the reason I feel like crap right now is because I haven't eaten enough — or enough of the right things — today.

I hope so. I told the Boyfriend, who gave me whatever I had (he had it Sunday night; I had it Monday), that if that's what it's like to be pregnant, I don't want to be pregnant. I hate puking. :P

More bad days than good

Considering that I had meltdown moments on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday of last week, I'm really not surprised that the scale didn't behave the way I wanted it to today.

Add in the fact that I chugged a 16.9-ounce bottle of water on the drive up from the Boyfriend's to my WW meeting, and the cause of my gain is easy to see. It was either too much bad food or the water that I thought I'd manage to eliminate when I arrived — or a combination of the two.

The damage could have been worse, I suppose. I was up just 1 pound (and some of that could have been from the water).

Regardless, it's a reminder that I need to have more good days than bad if I'm going to see the scale go in the right direction. Here's to a much better week.

And here's today's food journal — at least what I managed to remember to shoot.

Breakfast after my WI was a clementine (I ate another one just like it on the drive up from Eric's). For lunch, I ate leftover beans with a turkey hot dog on half a Sandwich Thin. Dessert was a Diet Soda Cupcake, halved, filled with 1 Tablespoon of FF Cool Whip and then frozen for about 15 minutes. Can I just say yum?

My at-work snacks were a stick of RF sharp cheddar cheese and then, a little later, my newest find: Goldfish S'mores. You get chocolate goldfish, graham goldfish and these cute little fish-shaped marshmallows. Delicious! And a serving has just 3 Points.

For dinner, I made stuffed bell peppers in the Crock Pot. It was the recipe our WW leader, Colleen, shared with us this week, and it sounded so good that I picked up the missing ingredients on the way home. Half the recipe made 3 servings, so I froze two for quick dinners later on.

No real activity to speak of today, but I got a few hundred more words written on my manuscript for the NaNoWriMo. I'm making a walk a priority in the morning though, whether it's cold outside or not.

I know, I know. Those are brave words for someone who hates being cold! :D

Here's my Tweet, Eat, Post chart:

Food	Units
2 clementines	1
1 cup bush's baked beans, turkey dog & 1/2 sandwich thin	8
diet soda cupcake, halved, w/ 1 t ff cool whip	2
rf sharp cheddar stick	2
1 svg s'mores goldfish crackers	3
stuffed bell pepper	5
yoplait parfait - lemon torte	2
1/2 oz peanuts	2
Total:	25

Table provided by Roni's Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.

Amazing what a week of strict tracking will do ...

I had my WI yesterday morning, but didn't get a minute to blog about it all afternoon. (Headed straight to the Boyfriend's after the meeting, and then he wanted to run to Prescott to buy a new GPS ... We had an early dinner at Olive Garden — only 10 Points for me! — but I ruined it by eating HIS leftovers at about 8 p.m. That's what happens when I eat dinner at 3 p.m.!)

Anyway, back to WI — I was down 4.4 pounds! Yep. I not only lost the 3 I gained last week, but a few more for good measure, and I think I have my new photo food journal to thank. I'm planning to keep it up again this week and see what happens.

Status quo is not working

I had my weekly WI this morning and was most displeased with the results: Up 3.4 pounds — since Wednesday.

Yes, there was a stress-filled Friday night binge (Taco Bell and too many Halloween cookies/candy) and the Boyfriend fed me too much for dinner Sunday night ... but 3+ pounds?

Some of it was probably water weight, but still, I'm unhappy with that. I'm supposed to be getting closer to goal, not farther away!

So I've decided what I've been doing is not working. The question is, what to do about it?

I think I've settled on an answer. I'm going to start taking pictures of what I eat before I eat it, and posting it here for you all to see, a la Self.com's Eat Like Me blog.

That ought to make me think twice about scarfing down 8 Halloween cookies and a plate of cheesy nachos!

Here's my stab at yesterday. I started with lunch, because that was after the bad WI.

Lunch was a beef/veggie bowl with brown rice from the Flame Broiler (8 Points). I forgot to snap it before I started eating, so by what you see is about half of it, after I'd eaten most of the veggies.

After lunch, I had

something sweet: a fun-size bag of Oreos (1 Point). I was excited to learn that

o

n

e

pack of those things

was just 1 Point ... but one pack is really a teeny tiny amount.

Afternoon snacks at work were a light English

muffin with hummus (2 more Points) and a honeycrisp apple.

Needed a quick dinner, so it was off to the Wendy's drive-thru. But I order

ed as healthy as I could: grilled chicken sandwich (7 Poin

ts) with a side salad (1 for the dres

sing).

What you didn't see: Breakfast was peanuts and a banana (5). I also forgot

to snap the 10 grape

tomatoes I ate at work (0) and the mini-box of Milk Duds pilfered from someone's leftover Halloween stash at the office (1).

My grand total for the day was 28 Points, so I used 5 FPs.

Thank goodness for canine workout partners!

I keep reading that dogs make great workout partners. But I'm not a big believer, because my Cocoa is a lazy girl. She's quite happy to stay inside.

Now that I'm dog-sitting for a friend's dog, I can believe it. Bandit is fantastic for my activity level.

Bandit, you see, is used to getting walks. (That's him at left.) Unlike my lazy lump on a log, Cocoa (below), he gets three or more walks a day. So when I'm Bandit-sitting, I get more walks myself.

That's good for both of us. When I get up in the morning, and it's cold and snowy outside and I don't want to even THINK about taking a walk, Bandit looks at me expectantly. I know that he's used to getting even more walks than I give him, and I end up outside, in the cold, walking the dog.

Today, it was a 34-minute walk after my write-in. I picked him up at his house this morning, but because I was running late, he only got a quick walk around the block. I promised him a longer walk when I got home from the write-in ... And even though I doubt he has a concept of time (or promises), I kept it.

I guess promising Bandit is kind of like promising myself. :D

Speaking of promises to myself, I DID hit that WW meeting Wednesday afternoon. It put me at 188.2 — exactly the same as a week ago Monday.

I'm not upset, because I know that I weigh a little heavier at night. My a.m. weigh-in when I first woke up Wednesday was 185.4 — also not bad when I consider I had a bad weekend.

Color me surprised

I wasn't looking forward to today's WI. It's been another awful week, with me not at my own house since Thursday night, when the roommate told me she had swine flu. I didn't want to catch it, so I've been heading to the Boyfriend's every night after work, and you all know I eat much more poorly when I'm with him than when I'm on my own.

Well, the scale was actually down a little ... 1.2 pounds, to be exact.

I know this doesn't give me an excuse to keep doing what I've been doing, though. This week, I'm getting back to basics: Tracking everything, exercising and drinking more H2O than diet soda.

Wish me luck!

Absent since my birthday

I've been absent from the blog since last Wednesday ... and the scale showed my lapse yesterday. I'm up 5 pounds. Ugh.

Blame it on my birthday, a food-filled weekend with the Boyfriend, a Friday night of raging

munchies (seriously — I could NOT stop eating. I thought it had something to do with a crappy day at work, but TOM started again Saturday, when I wasn't expecting it. It's early). I didn't journal and I indulged way too much.

I could also blame part of the gain on not drinking enough water and weighing in the

afternoon instead of the morning.

Whatever my excuses, I'm now that much further from hitting my goal weight by Thanksgiving. Why is it that I can't seem to get out of the 180s? Last week, I was getting close. Now I'm nearly back at 190 again.

Aargh!

Well, it's early enough for me to head out for a walk before it gets too warm. Funny how some of my online friends are dealing with snow, but here in Arizona — at least the part where I am today — it's going to be in the 70s. Flagstaff's supposed to get into the 60s, but I'm at the Boyfriend's again today.

Yesterday, we took a hike — literally. I have some beautiful pictures of the scenery around this little trail I didn't know existed. It's hard to believe that all these different landscapes exist in one little area.

But first, I'm off for that walk. No excuses! (Yes, I'm still trying to cultivate that attitude. It's going to take a while ...)

No excuses

That's an attitude I need to work on. Today, I made a good start. I headed out for a short walk after my WW meeting and lunch, only to find my Nike+ sensor wasn't working ... I was moving and the iPod wasn't registering a darn thing.

But instead of using that as an excuse to decide NOT to take a walk, I walked anyway. I cruised the sidewalks around my neighborhood the old-fashioned way — without the Nike+, just the iPod on shuffle.

Funny how dependent we can get on our electronic gadgets. I love the Nike+ because it tracks my distance and speed ... but I don't NEED it to walk. As long as I have music, I'm fine.

Lunch was delicious. I stopped at Pita Jungle after my WW meeting. All you Arizonans, if you haven't tried it, you should. I've been there three times now, and haven't tasted anything I didn't like. Today I had the Mediterranean Chicken Salad — chicken, tomatoes, corn, pine nuts, feta cheese, tabbouleh, lettuce, golden raisins and a little vinaigrette. Yum! I even managed to stop after eating just half and I'm completely satisfied.

As for my weigh-in, the news was better than I expected: I'm down 0.8 for the week, which leaves just 14 pounds to get to goal. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.