How bad do I want it?

Unfortunately, I'd say the answer to that question — at least lately — is "not bad enough."

Yep. After spending another weekend with the Boyfriend, making some pretty awful choices, I've come to a realization: I haven't been working very hard to lose my last several pounds. And now, after a 4+ pound gain at the scale today, I have nearly 20 pounds to lose again. Bleah.

I know what to do. I know that sometimes I need to make the hard choices ... the not-so-fun choices ... Yet time and time again, I find myself choosing the fun, not-so-healthy things instead.

Why is that? I think I've just gotten lazy. I've been taking the easy way out (read: Drive Thru) instead of preparing myself a delicious, healthy meal. I've been giving in and eating whatever's on offer at work and at the Boyfriend's. At restaurants, I've been ordering what I want (and what looks good) instead of the healthier things I know I should get.

And I haven't been tracking the way I need to. I'll half-heartedly track part of the day, and then stop.

These are things that don't work for me — or for anyone. So why am I continually surprised that I'm stuck in the 180s? I haven't been putting in the work, yet I'm expecting good results. It doesn't work like that!

The Boyfriend and I actually had a talk yesterday ... he said he was going to stop encouraging me to eat crap. I'll believe that when I see it. Sometimes I wonder if he does it on purpose, if he doesn't want me to get to my goal weight. Then I figure that he just thinks exercise will do it all. He often tells me "Just exercise more and you can eat what you want." Again, it doesn't work like that! (At least not completely. But try telling him that.)

With that being said, today was a pretty good day. I had a fairly healthy breakfast of oatmeal with raisins, nuts and brown sugar, followed by a peppermint mocha latte (made with less syrup and skim milk). Lunch was a California roll from my favorite sushi place and my afternoon snacks were grape tomatoes, two clementines and a 100-calorie pack of roasted almonds. For dinner, since I only had 3 Points left, I ate a 0-Point salad, grilled zucchini and 2 oz. turkey on a Sandwich Thin.

When all was said and done, including a few of the cookies I made last week (one oatmeal lace after lunch and two of the double chocolate ones after dinner) and some sugar-free hot cocoa at work after dinner, I ate 26 Points. No exercise, though.

I read some advice in today's meeting materials (or maybe it was last week's ... we got both today since last Monday's meeting was canceled by weather). Someone said they commit to tracking for just one day, and that makes it seem less overwhelming.

I'm going to try that theory out, because when I make grand statements that I'm going to track every bite, every day from here on out, I feel like crap when I don't (usually on Day 1 or 2!).

So here's my pledge for tomorrow: I will track all day long and do some kind of activity, whether it's the exercise bike indoors or walking outside.