Not exactly a roll ...

Unless it's a cinnamon roll. However, I am making more of an effort these days.

I'm sorry to say I went off the rails for a few days last week. After going on a 4-hour hike with my coworker, Heather, and her dog, Bandit, on Sunday, I had a wisdom tooth taken out Monday ... and used it as an excuse to eat crap for most of the week.

Yes, more than one milkshake was consumed, along with mashed potatoes and gravy from KFC. I got some healthier "soft foods," too, like yogurt and soup. But of course, the bad-for-me ones were much more appealing.

Hey, I'm being honest here! :D It's much harder to stay OP when the dentist says, "no popcorn, nuts or granola." With popcorn, nuts and granola bars being staple healthy snacks, that makes good choices all the more difficult.

Got back to counting Points Saturday, so this is Day 4 of being back on plan.

Really, I don't know why I do it. I feel so much better when I'm in control and counting my Points. If I knew what made me lose it, maybe I could stop it before it happens.

Today's a busy day. I did some exercise and ate a healthy lunch, and head to my book club meeting later. Since I slept through breakfast, I should have enough Points for a treat or two at the meeting.

Another good day

I'm back ... really back!

That's right. It was another good, OP day for me — the third in a row. I had a great lunch (grilled shrimp and veggies over whole wheat couscous for 7 Points), a Frapuccino light & 100-calorie pack of cookies as an afternoon snack, and some cheese before dinner.

Dinner was some whole wheat pasta with spaghetti sauce and a veggie Italian sausage link and a serving of sherbet was in order after dinner. My evening snack (one of Roni's banana oatmeal cups) put me at 26 Points (one more than the 25 I'm now allowed).

I also took a 20-minute walk. I know, I should be getting 60 minutes of exercise ... but I'll have to build up to that. I'm out of shape after taking so much time off. The walk I finished was exhausting enough.

I'm still not happy about being back in the 200s. In fact, I'm rather ticked off. But like I said earlier, it's my own damn fault.

I was watching an episode of Dr. Phil today, the second of two focusing on "the Ultimate Fat Debate." Among the panelists were Kelly Osbourne (who has apparently lost 42 pounds), Jillian Michaels and some trainer wearing a "No Chubbies" T-shirt who kept saying that fat people were that way by choice — they chose not to exercise and to eat poorly.

Naturally, the fat people on the panel took offense. I took offense. But there's some truth to his message. There are a lot of choices to be made — and until very recently, I've been making all the wrong ones.

I've been doing what's easy instead of what's right. It's easy to grab a drive-thru dinner and sit on my butt. It's right to cook my own meals (even if it takes away from my writing time) and get some exercise (ditto).

Being fat doesn't make me a bad person, and there's no moral imperative for me to lose weight. I won't automatically be happier because I'm thin. However, I will be healthier ... and healthy and happy often go hand in hand.

It'll be more fun to shop for clothes, too. ;)

I need to take Jillian's advice and start pushing myself out of my comfort zone. A 20-minute walk is better than nothing, but a 30-minute walk would be even better.

Long, cold winter

I know, it's just an excuse — but this damn cold weather has been making it tough for me to stay OP.

I haven't been exercising. It's tough to walk with 3-foot-high snow piles still covering the sidewalks, and every time it starts to melt, we get more.

The weather is also making me not want to cook. I'm stuck in an "I don't care" kind of mood, where eating out — be it fast food or something else — just sounds easier. As a result, I haven't been planning ... and consistently eating more than I should.

Well, it has to stop. I know, I've said that before — then promptly let myself get derailed again. Getting to a meeting will help. Friday is payday, and I intend to set aside the money to go that following Monday.

Until then, I'll be back to taking things one day — one choice — at a time. Today's start? The first thing I ate when I got up this morning was a 100-calorie pack of Emerald Natural almonds. I love snacking on almonds.

Next up, finding something healthy for lunch and putting dinner in the Crock Pot. HG BBQ Pulled Chicken, here I come!

Out of practice

Yoga isn't all that easy to do when you haven't done it in a good long time and you're trying to fight off a curious dog.

I succeeded, though. Got in a 20-minute yoga workout. Other than that, my activity level was in the toilet. Either I need to buy a new pedometer or I've reverted to couch potato days. The pedometer only logged a little more than 1,500 steps — for the entire day.

Ugh. :P

At least I stayed OP on the food front. I've eaten 26 1/2 total Points today. I may add 1 or 2 for a snack ... or maybe not. I'm not all that hungry at the moment.

Gasp! Did those words just come out of my mouth?

Goal for Tuesday: Beat today's step total. It shouldn't be hard.

(Finally) ready to face the music

Well, I hopped on the scale this morning for the first time in at least a month. As I suspected, what I saw wasn't pretty.

At my last WW meeting on Jan 3o, I was 190.4. Today, on the home scale (because I still can't afford my meeting while my paycheck is being garnished), I was 198. That's a gain of 7.6 pounds in a little less than a month.

Bad, yes — but not as bad as I feared it might be. At least I'm still in One-derland. Barely, but it counts.

It's time for me to get serious again. I can't keep doing what I've been doing lately and expect different results.

Yes, I've been eating crap. I know my choices have been a problem ... I can't have a burger and fries from Wendy's for lunch and then have tacos and more fries (from Del Taco) for dinner. I can't have a brunch of pancakes from IHOP and then eat a slice of Godiva double chocolate cheesecake as an afternoon snack.

I could blame the Boyfriend. He certainly "helps" me eat things I shouldn't. He doesn't seem to understand that, when I put a certain amount of food on my plate, that's a portion and that's all I plan to eat.

But it's not all his fault. He's not with me when I buy junk out of the vending machine at work, or when I drink a diet Dr Pepper instead of the H2O I know I should be drinking. He's also usually nowhere in sight when I opt NOT to take a walk because the weather's crappy or I'd rather be writing or ... I can't think of the other excuses I've been coming up with lately.

I need to start moving more again. Lately, the only exercise I've been getting has been walking from the couch to the fridge. Not good, I know.

I've been in what Roni calls a funk. I've been feeling beaten down and stressed out by my finances ... and I've been feeling like "what's the point? Nothing I do matters anyway." I've been eating to compensate.

Logically, I can see this. I'm just having a tough time stopping myself.

Today so far, I've done pretty well. I had one of those new Thomas' Bagel Thins w/ light cream cheese for breakfast and lunch was a California roll from my favorite sushi place, Hiro's.

I even got some exercise, in the form of shoveling more of this damn snow we keep getting. The crap from our last storm was finally starting to melt, so of course we had to be "treated" to some more. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate snow?

Seeing that near-200 on the scale just might be the jolt I need to rein myself in and get my eating back under control. I certainly hope so.

Must regain control

I started out today with the idea that today was the day I was going to take control of my diet again.

Boy, was that a mistake … or rather a series of them.

First, I woke up before 10 a.m. and didn’t actually get out of bed until 12:30 because I was busy writing. The good news? I added a very nice set of scenes to my novel. The bad news? I didn’t eat breakfast, so …

When I left the house for lunch, I was starving. I went out for half a sandwich and some soup — chicken & white bean chili — and ended up getting an oatmeal scotchie, too. Those are quite possibly my favorite cookies (with the exception of Thin Mints).

Then I headed to work, where the newsroom (that’s us) was hosting a Hawaiian luau in the conference room. Not only did I have 3 slices of ham & pineapple pizza then … but I ate two more later on, because the leftovers were hanging around the newsroom.

I skipped dinner, having eaten the two additional slices at about 6 p.m. … but then at about 9 p.m., I started munching on some trail mix. And when I got home from work at 1 a.m., I ate a pulled pork sandwich. (At least it was a HG recipe, so it was only 4 Points!)

Aargh!

I need to stop that, pronto! Hopefully, signing the paperwork with the attorney next Tuesday will help.

But I don’t want to wait until Tuesday to regain control. In the morning, after I dedicate some time to sending out two query letters to potential agents, I’m going to get in some kind of workout. I’ve been letting those slide, what with all last week’s snow shoveling (which doesn’t really count) and the chaos that has become my financial situation.

Workin' hard or hardly workin'?

For some reason, that question — a fave of my fifth-grade teacher — popped into my head this morning. He'd ask, "Are you working hard or hardly working?" any time he saw one of us staring out the window or otherwise not doing what we're supposed to be doing.

If I'm honest with myself, I'd have to say that when it comes to weight loss, I've been hardly working lately. Yes, I've been doing better since the New Year started and I adopted my "Just do it" theme ... but not good enough. Yesterday, I bought not one but two bags of little vanilla sandwich cookies from the vending machine at work. (I think those are one of my trigger foods ... can't seem to stop at just one.)

I still don't track every bite I eat (though I have been tracking more regularly).

And I haven't been working out the way I should. I do, however, think my legs are getting more toned just by virtue of wearing my Skechers Shape-Ups the last few weeks. (I'll take it!)

It's time for me to start working hard instead of hardly working.

An award & a contest

Kelly over at Pounds for Prom just honored me with a Beautiful Blogger Award.

Now I'm supposed to write seven random things about myself (and nominate seven people of my own).

Here are seven things that some of you might already know, but many of you won't:

1. I was a band geek in high school. At various times, I played flute and piccolo, and was in the color guard. All that marching helped keep my weight in check.

2. I spent a semester in England (eating Yorkshire pudding, giant jacket potatoes and pizza topped with CORN ... yes, you read right: CORN) in college. I went to Harlaxton College, the University of Evansville's British campus, which was featured in exterior shots for the Liam Neeson/Catherine Zeta Jones movie "The Haunting." I did a lot of walking while I was over there, so the bad eating habits didn't affect my weight too much (I'd already gained the freshman 30 by then!)

3. I watch repeats of "NCIS" and "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" and "SVU" on USA.

4. Thanks to the Boyfriend, I'm now a member of the WWE Universe. Yes, I tune in to "Monday Night Raw," "ECW" and "Smackdown" whenever I get a chance. Since I work nights (3-7 p.m.), I'm not always able to watch.

5. I'm not a huge fan of exercise. Big surprise, right? If I loved to work out and ate properly, I wouldn't be the proud owner of a weight loss blog, now would I?

6. My mom used to say I have champagne tastes and a beer budget.

7. Both my parents died in 2003, within a month of one another. That fall, after their deaths, my roommate and I started doing Atkins. I weighed 276 when I started. I low-carbbed my way to 169 (with a goal of 160) and then met my Boyfriend, started eating carbs again and regained about 70 pounds. Weighed 246 when I joined WW and am back down to the 180s.

I'll have to think about who I want to nominate and get back to you on that one.

Now, on to the contest. I love soup ... especially Progresso's light soups. They're fantastically filling and so low in Points. I can eat the whole can without blowing it.

Roni's giving us a chance to win soup:

I entered Roni's Souper Duper Contest!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

Good news from the scale

Finally! After about a month straight of gains, I saw the scale move in the right direction this week.

That's right: Down 2.8 pounds.

Can I get a woo-hoo? Sure, I'm still higher than I'd like. But at least things are finally going the right way. It's about time, too.

Even after all this time, I find it amazing how just a little success sets me up to have a great, on-plan day. Having seen the scale go down this morning, I'm determined to make good choices all day. I had a healthy breakfast and a lunch that focused on WW "Filling Foods."

The only thing missing from the equation today? Exercise. I haven't done any of that. I'm using my lingering cold as an excuse ... but it's not a good one. I should get in at least 10 minutes' worth of exercise. It won't kill me, and it might even make me feel better.

A girl can dream, right?

I must be getting old

Today's doctor's visit was all that I expected it to be — and more.

The doctor's scale (which always sucks) put me around 197 ... but the WW scale had me at 193.4 just 2 hours later. (That's still up a pound from last week, but a one-pound gain is acceptable considering the crap I ate all weekend.)

The doctor wants me to start taking baby aspirin and calcium supplements every day. Jeez ... Like I don't already have enough trouble remembering to take a multivitamin! :D

I'm also supposed to get my blood pressure checked several times before I go back to see him in February, because it's borderline high. Ugh.

I did go ahead and ask for a note setting a new goal weight ... but I did not turn it in at my meeting. He wrote me a note saying 175 was OK. I'm hoping that mentally freeing myself from the 170 looming over my head will give me the kick in the butt I need to recommit to losing. It certainly can't hurt, right?

So far, so good. When I got home from work tonight, I hopped on the elliptical/bike (using it as an elliptical) that's hanging out in our kitchen at the moment. Did 15 minutes while my Candy Cane Lane tea was cooling enough to drink it.

Sure, it was only 15 minutes ... but that's 15 minutes more than I'd gotten done earlier today. I'll take it! Tomorrow's goal: At least 20 minutes of exercise (preferably more).

So far, so good

With breakfast and lunch behind me, I've consumed 16 Points.

Hmm. Saying that out loud makes me realize that's actually not so great when I have just 23 Points to eat. Perhaps I need to retitle this post "So far, not so good" ...

Breakfast was HG's Egg Mug Classic on half a sandwich thin. Pretty tasty, though I still think I prefer the Egg Mug Lorraine, with bacon bits, onion and dijon mustard in the mix. After some computer time, during which I accomplished nothing but surfing the Net, I headed outside for a walk.

I ended up walking myself over to the house of a neighbor who happens to be a writer, and we decided to have lunch at Picazzo's, our favorite gourmet pizza place. I had my usual, the caesar salad/slice of pizza combo, which today happened to be a shrimp scampi pizza. Delicious! The only trouble is, it had alfredo sauce ... so I'm counting lunch as 12 Points instead of the usual 11. Hope it's not actually more than that!

Now, I'm off to the Boyfriend's for some quality time with my computer until he gets home from work. I'll work much better being at the Starbucks in Camp Verde, away from the temptations of the Internet.

My heroine is about to impulsively cut off the long, blonde hair she's been hiding behind for years. And then she's going to wish she had it back.

Cheesy goodness

Tonight after work it was the GOOD kind of cheesy goodness I enjoyed — a 2-Point grilled cheese made with a Sandwich Thin and a slice of reduced-fat American cheese.

Too bad I can't say the same for last night. After a stressful Friday night at work, I hitthe Del Taco drive-thru. I got not only a

cheeseburger and small fries, but also a taco — and I ate every bite. And that was after buying a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles

from the office vending machine at about 10 p.m.

What was I thinking? I don't even want to think about how many Points were in all that food!

I am, however, trying to figure out why I had different reactions to the same stressor. Friday night, after a stressful night at work, I ate. Tonight, I had an equally stressful night, but it almost seemed like I was too busy to eat. (I wish that happened more often!) :D

Maybe it was another one of those "I blew it" moments. After breakfast and lunch,

I had just 4 Points to last me for the rest of the day.

Maybe, subconsciously, I decided that I'd already blown it, so I kept on eating. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

Hmm ... Any other ideas out there? I'd really like to figure it out so it doesn't happen again.

Now, back to today's photographic food journal. I didn't wake up until noon, so breakfast was a nonstarter. Lunch was grilled zucchini, quinoa and black beans and 2 ounces of ham and a slice of cheese on a Western Alternatives onion bagel. Pretty tasty, if I do say so myself — and only 6 Points.

After lunch, I took a nice, brisk 26-minute walk around the neighborhood — in the cold with snow flurries flying in the air. When I told the Boyfriend that, proud of my accomplishment, he told me I should have walked longer. Hmph.

My at-work snacks consisted of the bag of mini Oreos I took in with me (1 Point), two clementines (another 1 Point — they were on sale at Fry'

s for $2.47 a bag) and some light Pina Colada yogurt (also 1 Point.)

Can I just say, I love

that Kroger brand Pina Colada light yogurt? I'd never seen it before, but it, too, was on sale and I decided I had to try it.

Yum! I'll be buying that again, for sure.

Dinner was a salad with balsamic vinegar and 1 tsp EVOO, followed by some Jell-O

sugar-free dark chocolate mousse — a total of 7 Points. I took an ounce of peanuts (4 Points) and a Kashi TLC bar to snack on throughout the evening. (Sorry. Forgot to snap those — but you've seen them here before.)

And that brings me back to my post-work grilled cheese — a much healthier choice than last night's fast-food fest.

Off to a much better start (11/12 Breakfast & Lunch)

There still aren't enough hours in the day to get done all I want to do ... but today I chose exercise.

After being up until 3:30 a.m., I slept until about 10:30. Then I got up and had a healthy breakfast. I had two of these Egg-o-Muffins in the freezer, so I heated them up, threw them on a light English muffin smeared with just a little light mayo and had a delicious (and filling) breakfast to power me through the ext

ra-long walk I had planned. It weighed in at 4 Points (2 for the eggs, 1 each for the muffin and mayo).

Next, I fired up the iPod and hit the pavement. I headed into a nearby neighborhood with a few good-sized hills, figuring I needed the hills after last night's book club meeting fiasco.

All told, the Nike+ said I walked 3.8 km (a little over 2 miles) in 42 minutes. Now, I know this isn't quite right, because it stopped registering my pace (and progress) at least three times. I probably walked closer to 3 1/2 ... but that's just a guesstimate.

When I got back to the house, I spent a little time online, uploading my walk to the Nike Web site and checking Twitter, then headed to the kitchen to make myse

lf some lunch before work. I opted for quick and easy with some instant brown rice, Hormel turkey chili and grilled zucchini. Yum — and all for just 7 Points!

Now, it's time to get ready for work. No writing for me this morning. But I do feel better for having treated my body to the nice, brisk walk it needed.

Forgot to take a picture of breakfast

I made pumpkin pancakes from Green Lite Bites this morning, and they were delicious. Unfortunately, I forgot to snap their photo before I snarfed them down.

They looked a lot like the ones Roni photographed, though. They were slightly cakey and just a bit sweet. Yum! And three pretty large pancakes had just 4 WW Points. (I added some sugar-free syrup for another 1 Point.)

Even better, they were a great way to use up the leftover pumpkin in my fridge before it went bad.

After breakfast, I hit the sidewalk for a 22-minute walk.

More later. I'll remember to take pictures for the rest of my meals. Promise!

Must find a better way to cope with stress

I admit it: I'm a stress eater. I know this about myself and try to compensate whenever possible.

Today, I failed miserably. I told myself I wouldn't eat my way through a stressful evening at work — but I did it anyway.

I know there are other ways to deal with stress: Take a walk ... phone a friend ... take a stretching break ... run to a quiet place and let out a scream ... :D

But when you don't feel like you can leave your desk for longer than it takes to hit the bathroom, it's rather difficult to do any of those things. Much easier to snack.

Except it's not better for my waistline — and I've decided that the status quo is not working. After realizing a couple of posts ago that I've basically maintained my weight for a year (down about 50 but with about 20 left to get to goal), I've been trying to come up with ways to shake things up a bit.

One way would be to come up with suitable alternatives to stress-eating. Any of you out there have any ideas on how to stop snacking when I'm stressed out but feel obligated to stay at my desk, plowing through a pile of pages?

File this one under 'things that make you go hmm'

Those of you who read my blog over at Blog to Lose know that the Boyfriend and I got into a tiff Monday. He wanted me to fetch and carry (like he always does, somehow thinking that's helping me get more activity) and I didn't want to (like I usually don't. Why should I jump when he says jump?).

He yelled, and the words "fat" and "a$$" came up. He also asserted that all I need to do to lose weight is get more exercise ... like the macaroni and cheese, french fries, fried chicken and other unhealthy foods he's always tempting me to eat aren't a huge culprit in my failure to lose the last 15-20 pounds.

Later, he apologized. But he also brought up a good point: "You say your a$$ is fat all the time ... why is it OK for you to say it, but not me?"

A very good point, indeed. It reminded me of something my WW leader said once: We often say things to/about ourselves that we'd never put up with a friend saying.

And that begs the question: WHY? Why is it OK for me to call myself fat, yet I don't like it at all when the Boyfriend says the same thing?

The short answer? It's not.

We should all be a little kinder to ourselves. Let's celebrate our successes instead of focusing on our failures.

I'm particularly bad at that: I keep focusing on the weight I still have to lose instead of remembering that I've already lost 50+ pounds. In fact, I can tell you exactly how much weight I still had to lose as of my last WI: 18.2 pounds. But I had to look it up to know how much I've lost in all (53.8 pounds).

There's something wrong with that. I should be able to call that number to mind effortlessly. I've lost 53.8 pounds ... Yes, I have a few more to go — but I should still be celebrating what I've already accomplished.

Basically, I've been maintaining for a year. I hit the 50-pounds lost mark right around my birthday in 2008 — ever since, I've been bouncing around the 180s. My WW goal is still 170 (2 pounds under the max weight for my height).

I can get there, I know I can. Yes, I do need to get more exercise — at least 30 minutes most days of the week. But fetching for the Boyfriend isn't going to cut it. More long walks ... bike rides ... even jogging.

And I have to put the kibosh on eating crap, especially when I'm with the Boyfriend. (He really is a huge culprit.)

Time to live by the wise, wise words of Yoda: "There is no try. Do or do not." It's time for me to buckle down and just do it!

Color me surprised

I wasn't looking forward to today's WI. It's been another awful week, with me not at my own house since Thursday night, when the roommate told me she had swine flu. I didn't want to catch it, so I've been heading to the Boyfriend's every night after work, and you all know I eat much more poorly when I'm with him than when I'm on my own.

Well, the scale was actually down a little ... 1.2 pounds, to be exact.

I know this doesn't give me an excuse to keep doing what I've been doing, though. This week, I'm getting back to basics: Tracking everything, exercising and drinking more H2O than diet soda.

Wish me luck!

Happy birthday to me

I can't remember if I mentioned it here, but today is my birthday ... and now that I'm hitting the big 3-8, I lose a Point.

That's right. Just by virtue of being a day older, I now get just 23 Points a day instead of 24. How fair is that? It's even worse when I consider that I'm not all that good at limiting myself to 24.

Thank goodness for those handy FPs. I get a feeling I'll be using some just to get by — at least at first.

23 Points just doesn't sound like many. And I'm hovering right near the 170s, so I'll lose another one, too ... As the Boyfriend said, "You're going to have to start eating a lot of food with lower Points values." Ah, if only he weren't the prime culprit in getting me to eat high-Points foods! :D

As for today, it went pretty well. I took a 20-minute walk. The Nike+ still wasn't working, but I think I fixed it by trying what the tech support folks suggested again when I got back in from my walk. (Don't ask me why it didn't work the first time. Electronic gadgets are a mystery to me!)

I finished my Pita Jungle salad for lunch and had zucchini and a ham sandwich for dinner. Too much chocolate again today. I'm beginning to think that I really am a chocoholic. More on that in another post. I have to process and decide what to do about it first.