Reflecting on 2009, planning for 2010

Here in Arizona, there's a little less than 90 minutes to New Year's Day. I'm sitting on the couch, watching "The Twilight Zone" marathon on SyFy while trying to settle on my New Year's resolutions.

They, of course, will involve finally getting to my goal weight. I was so close in 2009 ... but just couldn't manage to get over the hump. Somewhere along the way, I lost my focus.

I used part of a gift card from my brother to buy "The Spark," by SparkPeople founder Chris Downie. I've skimmed through it, and one thing — under "Cornerstone: Focus" jumped out at me:

Are you working each day toward something that really matters to you?

I haven't been — at least not when it comes to weight loss. (I have, however, been doing a pretty good job focusing on my writing in the last several months. But that's another story. I need to be able to do both.)

Stephanie Quialo (Twitter name @skinnyjeans) suggests, instead of making resolutions, having a New Year's Theme ... it's more flexible and fun — and (my added thought) hopefully easier to achieve.

With that thought in mind, I've been toying with ideas all afternoon. I thought about making it the start of "The New Me Decade," where I do what I need to do to take care of myself.

I've also considered "no excuses" and "just do it," both variations on the same theme: Doing things I might not always want to do because they are things I need to do. I need to get in activity and I need to eat within my Points.

I need to do these things even if I don't want to do them. I need to do them to get to goal and maintain ... I need to do them for me. For my health, happiness and peace of mind.

Can't stop eating crap

It happened again. I ate too many sweets at work, and then, when I got off, went to Del Taco for something salty to "cut the sweet."

I know better. Why did I let that happen? :P

Oh well. Today is a new day, a fresh start. I'll make it a good one.

I must be getting old

Today's doctor's visit was all that I expected it to be — and more.

The doctor's scale (which always sucks) put me around 197 ... but the WW scale had me at 193.4 just 2 hours later. (That's still up a pound from last week, but a one-pound gain is acceptable considering the crap I ate all weekend.)

The doctor wants me to start taking baby aspirin and calcium supplements every day. Jeez ... Like I don't already have enough trouble remembering to take a multivitamin! :D

I'm also supposed to get my blood pressure checked several times before I go back to see him in February, because it's borderline high. Ugh.

I did go ahead and ask for a note setting a new goal weight ... but I did not turn it in at my meeting. He wrote me a note saying 175 was OK. I'm hoping that mentally freeing myself from the 170 looming over my head will give me the kick in the butt I need to recommit to losing. It certainly can't hurt, right?

So far, so good. When I got home from work tonight, I hopped on the elliptical/bike (using it as an elliptical) that's hanging out in our kitchen at the moment. Did 15 minutes while my Candy Cane Lane tea was cooling enough to drink it.

Sure, it was only 15 minutes ... but that's 15 minutes more than I'd gotten done earlier today. I'll take it! Tomorrow's goal: At least 20 minutes of exercise (preferably more).

Not looking for much

My weigh-in is tomorrow, and I'm not counting on it being a good one. Again this week, I had more bad days than good. (Monday, Tuesday and Sunday were good; the rest weren't.)

Before WI, I head to the doctor's office for my annual exam. I'm toying with the idea of asking him if I should get a note from him to up my goal weight to 180 ... That's 10 pounds higher than it currently is, and 8 pounds above the upper end of my range.

He'll say "no," I'm sure. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to hit 170 ...

Well, there is: It's my laziness. I've been a bad Weight Watcher. I didn't count Points Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday ... and on Saturday, especially, I ate a lot of junk I didn't need (including Taco Bell for dinner). If I spent as much time on-plan as off-plan, I'd be at my goal by now.

The only reason I'm thinking about it is to save money, anyway. If I bump up my goal, I can get there that much faster, and then I'll be able to quit paying for WW meetings.

I want to hit 170, darn it ... and soon. It's going to take commitment and fewer excuses.

Online, on the phone and in the kitchen

As I said earlier, I spent most of the day on the phone or running errands. When I wasn't doing that, I was online.

I did, however, find time to make myself a healthy dinner (after

getting Subway for lunch).

Dinner was a turkey sandwich (2 oz. turkey, FF Miracle whip and honey mustard on a Sandwich Thin) and zucchini fries (a whole zucchini cut into spears, tossed with 2 tsp. honey mustard and 1 tsp. olive oil, then coated with 1/3 cup Fiber One crumbs and baked for about 18 minutes). I also steamed the last of the veggies from Sunday's salad, which had been marinating in oil and balsamic vinegar. (Not the lettuce, but the carrots, broccoli and snap peas.)

I shot a photo of the fries, which were inspired by Hungry Girl. I don't know if she has a recipe for something similar, because this

is one I made up myself — but it was definitely sparked by HG's love of Fiber One.

A couple of hours after dinner, I made a peppermint milkshake with my Magic Bullet. I love that thing. It was a Christmas gift from my roommate several years ago, and while I don't use it as often and the infomercial says, I do use it a lot. (Used it twice tonight — once to make the Fiber One crumbs and once for the shake. Mmm.)

The shake, which weighs in at 2 Points, was easy to make: just 1/2 cup Breyer's Free vanilla ice cream, 1/4 cup skim milk and half a candy cane. It might not be as thick and rich as a DQ peppermint Blizzard, but it also has a heck a lot fewer calories!

Don't ask why the photo is sideways. Apparently I have to change that in my photo editing program, not here in the blog.

Still stressing about money

... But I've managed to stay on track pretty well today. I can probably thank the fact that I've spent so much of the day on the phone with one person or another. It left me with no time to snack.

While I was out running around, trying to straighten out my financial mess, I stopped at the bank inside a grocery store. (Whoever thought of putting banks in stores was either genius or evil. I can't decide.) Even though I was stressing over my money situation, I managed to avoid buying myself a donut.

Oh, I was tempted. I walked past the donut case several times, drooling. I also looked at slices of cake and cupcakes — stress makes me want sweets. But in the end, I avoided temptation and settled for a WW 1-Point Red Velvet bar instead. I'll count that as a small (very small) success.

I did discover that work makes me eat. I was over there for 5 minutes to use the fax (faxing paperwork to an attorney) and managed to eat three chocolate-covered pretzels. They were there; I was there ... the darn things practically automatically ended up in my mouth. Ugh.

Thanks to the unscheduled 5 p.m. sweets, I've eaten my 23 Points for the day, and it's only 8 p.m. I think I'll hop on the exercise bike so I can enjoy a snack later. A candy cane shake is calling my name — homemade, of course, to make it a heck of a lot healthier than a DQ candy cane Blizzard.

Up again

I'm not surprised. Some bad financial news sent me straight to the food last night. Being an emotional eater sucks. I wish I were like the Boyfriend, who eats less when he's stressed.

Not me. I eat more. After opening a letter from my job saying a bill collector is going to start garnishing my wages (on Christmas Eve, no less — merry freakin' Christmas), I ate two cookies, some fries and chocolate cupcakes from the vending machine at work.

On top of a not-s0-great few days at the Boyfriend's house, I was up 2.8 pounds at today's official WW weigh-in. :P

That puts me back in the 190s, for crying out loud. Not where I want to be.